All good things must come to an end. Most bad things eventually end as well. Whether this column falls in the former category or the latter, it is ending just the same. We’re simply having trouble coming up with fresh ideas and the only thing worse than a stale cigar is a stale column. Now we know how Ernest “Papa” Hemingway must have felt.

Hemingway enjoyed a successful writing career for almost 40 years. On July 22, 1961, Hemingway put a shotgun to his head and pulled the trigger. He was in poor health, but many feel his suicide was induced by his conclusion that he couldn’t write any more. “I just can’t get it,” he is reported to have said shortly before his death.

Like Hemingway, our creativity has also been exhausted. Unlike Hemingway, however, our response to this realization was less drastic. We simply ran out for some Italian hoagies, lit up some Fuente Hemingways in honor of old Papa and sat down to plan our next vacation. It’s only a column.

Hemingway was one of the most important writers of the 20th century. Much of his best work was produced in Key West while sitting in an old cigar roller’s chair. The Nobel Prize winning author wrote about real life and his style was described as plain, economical and simple.

We feel that Hemingway’s influence can be found in our work. In many respects, we have taken his style to the next level. We have gone well beyond simple.

All of our columns were based upon our actual adventures. Hemingway drew freely from his travels, his war time experiences and his love of the sea. We focussed on what we knew best - food, fellowship and entertainment.

We decided at the outset to produce a column that was primarily anecdotal in nature. There are lots of knowledgeable people writing cigar reviews on the Internet and in magazines. We had little to offer in that regard. We have yet to taste hints of leather and we don’t have a clue what jember is. On the other hand, we have always felt that the principal joy of cigar smoking is the camaraderie that it generates. Our columns about meeting Ken from Nassau (Entry No. 11, October 1997) and actor Francesco Quinn (Entry No. 12, November 1997) are good examples.

Fellowship aside, our Jekyll and Hyde column (Entry No. 16, April 1998) remains one of our favorites. Siskel (may he rest in peace) and Ebert could not have offered a more insightful analysis. It is a shame that the director did not try out our suggestions.

Despite our early successes, we have experienced a series of recent disappointments:

• One was the Clinton crisis. (See Entry No. 21, September 1998.) Who would think that our Commander in Chief could desecrate a Montecristo in such a manner? (At least we can probably believe him this time if he says he didn’t inhale.) In any event, our grass roots campaign failed to have a measurable impact. (See Entry No. 22, October 1998.)

• Our movie career has gone down the pooper. (See Entry No. 15, March 1998.) The financing on the sure-fire hit, “Slag”, never materialized.

• Our wives found out that the email from the Career Babes (Entry No. 13, December 1997) was a fake.

• Cigar Night (Entry No. 10, September 1997) at the local pub has died from lack of interest. The last time we saw our half-filled, plastic humidor, it was covered with dust and a blender was sitting on top of it.

• We still have not heard from George Hamilton. (See Entry No. 26, March 1999.)

• We have not won at the crap table in two years.

• We received email from a radio station in Boston. They were seeking people to interview about cigars. They wanted to know if we could recommend someone.

Based strictly on our columns, you may think that we are nothing more than a couple of unsophisticated buffoons who divide their time between food, cigars and empty recreational pursuits. It is time to reveal the truth. Art, literature and classical music are significant forces in our lives. In fact, Bill initially argued against dropping the column by quoting from his favorite Dylan Thomas poem:

It just has to get better than this!!!!!!

The Cigar Guys

P.S. We had always hoped to make a little money at this and donate it to a worthy cause. The money never materialized. If you enjoyed this column (or if you found us to be incredibly annoying and wish to commemorate our departure) it would be appreciated if you would make a small donation to Dream Come True, a volunteer organization that tries to fulfill the wishes of children who are seriously ill.

One last thing whenever your traveling and you see two fat guys eating and smoking cigars and you think that they look like our pictures. Don’t be afraid to walk up to us and say. “ Hey !! I loved your work, let me buy you a drink and a cigar or a buffet”. If it is the Cigar Guys, you know we will except.

Just like smoke rings the Cigar Guys will always be around.

You can The Cigar Guys at: tbill@enter.net for any comments or questions.

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